Why the War in Iraq Was Worth It

Irāq. Its former dictator Saddam Hussein for about 24 years from 1979 to 2003, which was the start of the American-Iraq war.  Throughout his tenure, he committed mass-genocide on his country’s people and killed countless others who defied him.  

As a citizen of Iraq, I loved how my country was toppled so ferociously by the U.S. army.  George W. Bush is my hero.  Dick Cheney is a close second.  I remember the day that the statue of Saddam was thrown down like it was yesterday.  I was there in the plaza masturbating at the time.  Wearing a niqab has its benefits as I can hide my facial expressions as I masturbate.  Often I am sweaty anyways wearing my black burqa, so no one really takes notice my sweating when I masturbate.  Plus, Arabic sounds like moaning anyways.

Before in Saddam’s rein, I was raped several times.  But now it is a weekly occurrence.  It’s certainly better than just having sex with your husband.  I really get into my rapes.

My husband is one of the leaders of Al Qaeda in Iraq.  Our lives are much improved from a financial aspect.  To other potential terrorists, my husband and I ask that they give us all of their assets in exchange for explosives.  My husband is extra rich from this.  Plus, we are in the construction business.  We build everything from parks, roads, buildings, plazas, and mosques.  So, accordingly these are the best places to blow up so we can collect more insurance money and then of build more.  If the insurance companies fail to pay, they know the consequences of dealing with Al Qaeda. While I do not really care for the cause of murdering innocent people, I do enjoy the economic benefits of it.

The Americans make for big business here in Iraq.  The more we blow up things and kill them, the longer they stay in the country to purchase food, oil, and Arabic pornography.  Kind of hilarious irony if you ask me.  Sort of like how when I tell my husband that other men rape me, he has them killed instead of me.

I run a prostitution ring on the side with my husband for poor women under the age of 18 who’s parents were murdered by terrorist attacks.  The Americans, like anyone, love having sex with unshaven women.  Once, they do, we take pictures and video to blackmail them sometimes into giving us their monies.

What is the goal in all of this?  Who knows.  There certainly is not a heaven or an Allah that exists.  So even though technically doing all these things would get us there, there really is no point from a religious standpoint.

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